how to be alone

I just dropped off Ryan at preschool and I'm all alone in the car. My first inclination is to turn the radio on... to talk radio... no more "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Patch the Pirate" - Ryan's favorite audio story. Yes, it would be nice to have someone talk at me in intelligent phrases about things other than having to go potty or needing a drink (of a childlike variety, not the alcoholic).

I stop myself, listening to nothing. The hum of my car, the purr of the engine. I stifle a reflex to grab my phone to catch up with a sister, friend, or mother instead taking in the scenery of the vibrant fall foliage and the falling leaves blanketing soft green carpets. I pass remnants of summer gardens: vines naked after having shed their clothing of leaves and fruit, broccoli flowers bursting forth in yellow like fireworks, proud of what they can become if left to themselves. Bean pole and tomato stakes drooping wearily now that the heavy burden of summer bounty has been harvested.

Why is it we're conditioned to be afraid of the quiet? As if left to our thoughts we'll shrivel and die of loneliness? Entertainment gurus would have us believe we should have our email, games, social networks, and movies all at our fingertips forgetting that filling ourselves with empty pleasure leaves us feeling perhaps more lonely than before.

In the quiet we're able to connect with our thoughts and deepest cravings. Silence gives us room to breathe, to grow, to imagine and create. Busy minds create busy people, but certainly not better ones. I find after a few minutes of hurriedly thinking of what I need to accomplish when I arrive home, my mind settles. I can think about bigger stuff. I can talk easily to God about my worries or dreams. Even when I use this time to pray my conversations with the Almighty start off with rapid fire thoughts.... praise, confession, intercession. But if I stay there long enough, in the quiet, my thoughts slow down, become less anxious, and flow from one to the next about deeper, longer lasting subjects. It's hard for me to want to leave this quiet spot and move on to my list.

If one isn't used to the quiet, isn't conditioned to spend time in their own company, it can be uncomfortable. What do I do? What do I think about? How long before I can turn on something electronic or talk to someone who isn't really here?  But given a chance, seeking solitude can bring a sense of peace and balance in a harried world.

When's the last time you gave yourself a few minutes breathing from the pressures of this crazy life?